When people first hear about the swinging lifestyle, one of the most common questions is: “What exactly happens?” That’s where the terms soft swap and hard swap come in. Both fall under the umbrella of swinging, but they describe very different levels of intimacy.
Swinging is a form of consensual non-monogamy where couples explore sexual experiences with others—often together. Unlike polyamory, which focuses on forming multiple romantic and emotional bonds, swinging is typically more about sexual variety, shared adventures, and pleasure.
Within this world, couples often set their own boundaries. Two of the most common frameworks are soft swap and hard swap.
Soft swap is sometimes called a “teaser” or “beginner’s” version of swinging. It involves sexual play with others, but not penetrative sex.
Couples may kiss, caress, or enjoy oral sex with others.
It’s often a first step for newcomers who want to explore but aren’t ready for full partner exchange.
Soft swap can feel less intimidating and helps couples build comfort and trust as they navigate boundaries.
Think of it as dipping your toes into the pool before diving in.
Hard swap—also known as full swap—is when couples go further and engage in penetrative sex with others.
This is considered a complete partner exchange.
It usually comes after trust and communication have been established in the relationship.
Couples who enjoy hard swapping often highlight the thrill of exploring with others while still sharing the experience as a couple.
Hard swap is the “deep end” of swinging—it’s all about full participation.
